The Path Not Taken
While most of the world opted to stay at home during The Pandemic, I ended up moving across the country from Ohio, a state that was relatively lax with restrictions, to California, by far the most restrictive state. I knew this meant I would be spending a lot of time alone, but the effects of isolation were far more powerful than I had realized. What was originally supposed to be starting a new chapter of life ended up being more like a year-long science experiment with isolation and insanity.
I had dedicated rooms for everything. An office, a workshop, living room, bedroom, and a garage. I bought an old truck to work on and keep me busy, and tried my best to segregate my life between the different rooms. For the first couple of months, everything felt pretty normal. At first, the novelty of everything being new kept me occupied, but eventually the mental barriers I had tried to keep between my rooms had slowly disintegrated, and I felt stuck at home.
Isolation != Indepdendence
I’ve always strived for independence in the past. Being in control of everything in life, not having to depend on others, they seemed like the ultimate goals of freedom. It turns out, the more important thing about freedom is being able to do whatever you want, not having complete control.
Had I stayed in Ohio, it would have been rather easy to still hang out with others to some degree. In California, no one even wanted to leave their house, period. This led to weeks on end where I was surrounded by millions of people, but couldn’t interact with any of them face-to-face. Even though I had everything I needed at home, the cultural restrictions became far more challenging for me than any laws that were put in place.
Thinking Replaces Speaking
Humans are naturally wired to communicate with others. While we have modern forms to accomplish this through texting, the phone, even video calls, none of them satisfy your brain the same way a face-to-face interaction does. Maybe one day we will be able to properly trick our brains with a simulation, but that tech does not exist yet.
As time went on, my head seemed to replace conversations with others with conversations with myself. Hours and hours spent thinking about all kinds of stuff. Talking to people on the phone was never quite enough to feel like I got it out of my system. You eventually reach a point where your head seems to connect ideas and concepts in a really skewed perspective, the forefront of insane thinking. There seemed to be no stopping it either.
At this point, you’ll feel a strong desire to have a conversation with anyone you encounter, which was mostly cashiers at stores. That little sliver of human interaction you get is very tantalizing. Being surrounded by people that didn’t want to leave their house, it was very difficult to get more of it.
Re-entering Society
My first encounter with a large group of people in months was on an airplane. Here I was, surrounded very closely by a hundred or so strangers. All of them have masks on, and the bulk of them look terrified to be on the plane. I sat in silence and read a book. But being around so many people, it felt extremely fulfilling, like an energy coming back from a void.
At first, you want to talk to every person you run into. But then you recall that’s not how things work in the day-to-day. All of these people walking around, talking, interacting with eachother, your brain wants to process all of it. But it all feels very foreign at first. The filters you once had from just walking around in public have vanished.
You get these filters back, but it takes some time. In the meantime, going in public feels very exhausting rather quickly.
Takeaways
Human connection is a necessity for the human brain. And it has to be in person. A year in isolation has showed me how important some of those really basic things in a given day are. Another important one for me is the context switch from a change of environment. An instant switch, like walking into another room, is not ample time for my brain. Having even just a ten minute commute to work makes a world of difference for keeping work separate from home. Otherwise, it feels like you’re working 24/7.
While cameras, phones, and the internet are all really powerful tools to improve communications with people that otherwise wouldn’t be possible, they are no substitute for face-to-face interactions. For this reason, I don’t think concepts like a fully remote workforce can be as successful as an in-person one. Our brains are just designed to read more than words when it comes to interactions.
And without a doubt, insanity is real. It makes more sense why old people act the way they do, and it’s something that doesn’t resolve overnight. While going through the brink of insanity was a unique and interesting experience, it is definitely one I do not plan to go through again.
Spaceship You
This video covers what it takes to try to keep things normal when in isolation. Easier said than done.